(Heads up, I wrote this a few nights ago, so this is how I felt at the time with a few adjustments. Apologies if the tone is different from my previous blogs)
So... it's been one whole week (and a couple of days) since I've come to Texas. My lesson learned was to not have such high expectations, especially when my parents say things. I was told that I would be able to be brought to bigger cities and explore if I wanted to prior to the trip, and guess what? EVERYBODY'S BUSY! I wasn't even told anything about this, or under the impression that I'd only be able to explore MAYBE once a week, which would only be twice this whole trip. I'm furious, and if that's the case I'm never staying here AGAIN. This really gives me a whole new perspective on my grandparents for my mom's side; jeez, no wonder she turned out the way she is!
The language barrier between me and my relatives is ticking me off too, because they've lived here for decades but still aren't good at english?! Am I being too ignorant here, or is that just plain ridiculous? I can't understand my grandma and she doesn't understand me either, let alone even try. Thanks mom for giving up on my Tagalog lessons, because I really could've used them!
I just want to go home, because I don't care about this trip anymore. My room, friends, food, shopping places, everything about San Diego is everything I need right now. I'm glad the time goes by fast, because I just miss home so dearly. I'd rather just visit than stay in small town hell, I just can't do this anymore. My grandma told me I could possibly stay with an aunt that lives in Houston, but that's until May. Ugh, I just hate everything about this place...
Maybe on my next trip here I can REALLY venture out into the city and make some new friends, shop for clothes, cd's (or vinyls), techy stuff, etc. Having grandparents who refuse to drive because they're absolute pussies is the worst curse ever, because even back home people around their age drive on the highway! I need some darn ice cream to cool me off, because I'm just so, so ANGRY!!!!!!!
Besides all that, let me tell the things that happened or I did this week!
DAY 2 OF WE ARE HARDCORE'S EVENT WAS AMAZING! My god, I'm still missing that livestream so much. Everyone did amazing, and I even discovered some new artists and tracks to keep on loop until I get tired of them. I stayed from start to finish, and let me just say one thing... PLEASE HAVE EAR PROTECTION! My volume was pretty high almost the whole 7 hours, and by the time it finished, my ears were still ringing the beats! It persisted for well up until yesterday; everything for a couple of days sounded like speedcore, and I even had some sort of hearing loss.
But, would I totally attend the next live? FUCK YES! I'll try to support everyone by buying their music if they have physical copies, or donate! I'd love to be more involved in the future, because everyone in this community is just so sweet and hilarious. HARDCORE FOR LIFE!
(Been obsessed with his music again!)
I also went out to shop at Walmart with my grandma on her day off, though, I thought we'd be able to go out to a larger city, but I guess that wasn't the case. The following day though, we went to Dallas and headed to an asian shopping area.
The drive there was long, and unfortunately my antibiotics didn't agree so much with my empty stomach, so you probably know what happened... ha ha ha. A little after though, we went to Chick Fil A for some breakfast, so that was epic at least! It felt just like back home when we finally came to the destination, with the exclusion of Teso, as it's a Texas-only store for now. I went shopping there alongside Daiso, some random bookstore, and ate Sushi before heading back home. It was pretty short, but it was something to do at least!
I think I'll try to make friends with some locals here, or try to find anyone that wouldn't hate me at least. Trust me, I know I'm saying this a lot, but I'm BORED! Do you know how hard it is to go from large city California, to small town middle-of-nowhere Texas? AGH!
Almost forgot to write about this, but I also ate dinner yesterday with my cousins, uncle, grandma's and a family friend at a Mexican restaurant! It was very delicious, 10/10!
The car ride back home, I sat in the trunk with my cousin because there wasn't enough space, so we kept joking about being kidnapped, LOL! I'll be going out to an event within this town tomorrow, so I'll update about that in my next lengthy blog post. ;)
4-27-2026 edit:
Hi! A couple of nights ago I was feeling sleepy, so I didn't publish this blog when I planned to, but I wanted to include some updates since the initial draft !
That Saturday event? Well... I fell asleep for that, unfortunately. Though I've been spending more time with my cousins, with us eating dinner all together and heading over to Walmart on Sunday! I ate way too much free ice cream, same with my cousins, and put a load of lime onto my tacos. I also drew a really bad sketch, and my grandma loved it so much she bought something to preserve it in. (It was going to be for my cousin to keep... damn it!)
They have a pet rabbit too, so I got to play with Mr. Cuddles~ ^.^ No pics unfortunately, because I keep forgetting to bring my camera...
We're going to try to hang out all at a park later this week, or on the weekend, so that'll be fun! I've been really cooped up within this small town, with little to no events happening in my life since landing. Just one more week... I can make it!!!!
Sidenote, I've been eating a lot more thankfully! I keep fluctuating between not eating to eating a lot, so it's been a bit tough. Taking meds is no joke people, take care of yourselves!
Also, I discovered an AMV from a Youtube mix that gets randomly generated (The website's only good feature, it put me onto so many good artists and songs), and it's made me OBSESSED with Haruhi Suzumiya again! Well, not Haruhi herself, but the lesyay version of Itsukyon~ ;)
My favorite kigu cosplayers of this ship, SO ADORABLE! >.<
My stupid sketch, eugh... I need to get better at art.
ANYWAYS! The moment you've been waiting for... PICTURE TIME!
My coord I wore to Dallas!
Canmake 40th anniversary palette~ ^.^
My grandma's cat, Louis Vuitton!
Little Miss Prada. Very mischievous, and likes my grandma the most... obviously.
-__-
Brownies (with some Drumstick ice cream), my other grandma made. I think I have a bit of a sweet tooth...
Of course, I'll update a lot next time! I'm WISHING to have a little bit of fun before I go back home, just a little! My cousins are probably going to visit me this summer or vice versa, so Texas... you will definitely see me again soon! Or Los Angeles, I have family there too! xd
Current earworm: The song in this AMV! Don't ask why I've watched it well over 10 times, don't you dare!!!!
(P.S. I edit my posts sometimes to fix grammar issues, formatting, word choices, etc., a little after publishing, so sorry for any sudden changes!)
Guess what? I'm finally in TEXAS! Well -- it's been really boring, as this is a small town where people go to retire. Not fun!
But let's start this off--THE FLIGHT!
I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this on my blog, but I was told I had to go on my flight all alone. Being me, I assumed that it meant having to check in my luggage, pass through TSA, and navigate everything ALL ON MY OWN! But thankfully, my parents were there to help set me up and only had to supervise me to board the plane; though when I leave, I really am doing it all by myself.
On the flight itself, I sat in the middle between a mother with her infant and a random guy. Shockingly enough, the baby was really well behaved and didn't cry! I let her play with my Nyappy plushie and some charms on my cell with supervision. It's probably the first baby I tolerated in my life, ESPECIALLY on a plane! Overall, the whole flight was very pleasant, and it eased all the anxiety I had about it beforehand. 10/10!
When I arrived at the airport, my auntie and her husband picked me up, having delicious brisket and mac and cheese from Pinkerton's waiting for me in the back. It's my absolute FAVORITE, and I always look forward to eating it whenever I visit or a family member comes to visit California, bringing it along with them on a flight. Though looking outside of the car window, I couldn't help to notice how similar the cities looked to L.A. or San Diego--it made me miss home already.
The car drive was long, with us 3 having stopped by a comparatively big gas station as opposed to those back where I live. There's really not much to write about the drive, aside from small talk and getting tired towards the end of the trip.
And after 3 whole hours, we were finally at the house! Immediately, I unloaded all my belongings, with everyone chiming in to greet me. It was overwhelming, to be honest...
Covering most of the major details, so far I've been staying in their estate, and I haven't left to explore the town or head out to larger cities yet. My grandma mentioned hiring a driver, or asking someone to take me places, with the downside being it has to be scheduled--so that's gonna be a little rough. There's no Uber as well (from what she said), so no luck with that either.
I'm pretty spontaneous when I wanna go out places, and I want to visit the bigger and more entertaining cities! Meeting new people, seeing new places, trying out things, shopping till I drop--It's all I want to do on a trip! But, I'll be patient for now... I guess. I don't want to spend a whole 2 weeks with old people, but who knows? It might be the outcome of this trip.
Anywho, my grandma also adopted some cats! Their names are Louis Vuitton and Prada (Yes, I'm being serious), and they'll be turning a year old this coming May! She told me that her dog ran away and hasn't come back since, prompting her to adopt kittens a while back to fill the gap of not having a pet. Louis Vuitton warmed up to me pretty quickly on the first day, with her sister Prada only becoming comfortable with me just earlier--well, yesterday technically--cuddling up to me alongside her sister. Unfortunately, they're both declawed on the front paw area, with Prada missing her tail from a birth defect.
I was quite upset with my grandma's decision to do that, but I didn't say anything as I don't want to start problems with her as well. But I love them both so dearly, and I'll miss them deeply once I have to leave. (I just wish they would stop chewing on my wires though! -__-) Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of them on my camera yet, but I'll include some in my next blog update! :)
On a side note, today I watched my Instagram mutuals' livestream event! It's where a variety of Dj's, specializing in hardcore music alongside other genres come on to play their sets live! Everyone was absolutely amazing, with each having their unique sound. Definitely going to join tomorrow's event, as 2 of my favorite DJs are going to play, with it being DJ Sharpnel and Killingscum! Watching the event finally gave me that push to produce my own tracks, even if they suck--badly!
Where I live, there aren't many rave events--especially gabber or hardcore-focused, or ones that are all ages. Everyone always does drugs, smokes, or drinks--which I know are the core of rave culture, but it really just isn't my thing! It's what also makes these events adults only, and I do not want to be in trouble for sneaking into them underage (Just gotta hold on one more year...).
EDM has been a longtime interest for me, with my dad getting into it ever since it started becoming a thing. I got really into speedcore, Gabber, J-core, etc in late 2021, with my first DJ Sharpnel song being Makiba back in 2018. Seeing everyone get to experience hearing all those tracks live, especially being hours away, just makes me so jealous--so I wanna do my own local thing one day!
I'd rather have genuine fans of this music, or my friends, listen to my attempts at DJ'ing, rather than people who are only attending for social media. People need to DANCE! Get into the music! Don't get me wrong, because I love my phone and social profiles--BUT WE NEED TO GO BACK TO THE ROOTS, PEOPLE! Do your shitty hakken, jumpstyle, whatever! Who cares, you're having fun!
Tangent aside, here's a small clip of what I'm working on to be my first-ever track! Most likely this is gonna be another one of those hobbies I'll drop after a week or days, but at least my time doing it was fun. ^.^
It's... something alright. We all start somewhere, I guess. The second sample I used sounds so much worse than I thought, yikes. I'm probably gonna swap it out or attempt to mix it better. If I get serious about this (and better), I'll buy actual 90s equipment to produce tracks and probably some vinyls.
But--my name is gonna be DJ POKOPAFFI! My dream? TO MAKE AWESOME TUNES! Long-term goal? TO NOT BE A HOMELESS DUMMY SURVIVING OFF DADDY'S MONEY! Am I going to look back at this later when I didn't make music at all? YES!
(Anyways, I'm dropping the stupid signing off thing! Makes me look too self-centered, and I hate that!!!!!!)
Current earworm (How long am I gonna be doing this?!):
Today I didn't really do much, just went to school, did some work, ate ice cream (yum!), and downloaded some music.
But, look at how cute my laundry is!!!!
My one polka dot skirt (from Emily Temple I think?) bled a significant amount when I was handwashing it earlier, but it dyed the white polka dots a cute light pink--so I'm not complaining too bad! I think it's quite lovely~
Ok ok, I admit, I only really wrote this as an excuse to show off my cute clothing rack... let's write about some other things, shall we? ^.^
Tomorrow's the day I finally go to Texas... I wonder what I'm even gonna do over there. Shop? Meet people I'll never see again? Stay inside the whole time?
But what I really want to do... IS EAT BARBEQUE!!!!!!! Haha, typical Californians' ideas of what to do over there, but there's really not much to do in my opinion. Maybe I'll grab some souvenirs for my friends if they ask. I don't mind buying stuff for them; they deserve everything! Even my long-distance friends I care about even if we don't speak, let alone see each other. Sometimes I see something that reminds me of them and buy it anyway for when we'll see each other again, even if it could be for months--or years!
Though it's weird to think about how you'll only see a person once, and that's it. Maybe it isn't meant to be sometimes, you know? Life is cruel with its ways, but we all move on... and get old. Ok, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore, I sulk way too much... so I'm ending it here.But, on a side note, I really do miss those random kind strangers from different points in my life--I hope they're all doing alright. I still think about what they did years, or even a whole decade later.
Very recently, my friends and I had a sleepover for the first time in over a YEAR! We talked, messed around with my anime figures, watched some Hetalia (Not a fan, to be honest...), even buying some merch of Germany and America, and just had so much fun!!!! My friend Sasha also got to open her early birthday gift that night as well; P.S. she LOVED IT!!!!!!
(Only still image of when we all messed around with the figures + some other toys)
Later that night, we all watched some crappy low-budget movies, with Zeke and me playing Subarashiki Hibi, and him later on messing around with a prank call app--all while Sasha was deep into her slumber. I'm surprised she didn't wake up from us laughing and me complaining about stuff on my phone. xD
(Taken later in the morning, not when this happened at 3-4am)
The following day my friend Madi came over and helped out, mostly with the cleanup for the birthday cake I, my other friend Zeke, and Sasha were finishing up. We struggled so hard with getting off the darn mixer paddle attachment to swap it out for the whisk one--never wanna do that again. Also, when I was sifting the powdered sugar, I thought it'd be funny to put some over Haruhi like it was snowing--leading to milk being poured on top of her because it was ALSO hilarious, LOL!
After making the buttercream and cleaning up the overall mess, the cake was done baking, and we were ready to decorate it! We let it sit in the freezer for a bit because we were all originally going to hang out at the park for half an hour or so, unfortunately running out of time because I gave Sasha a haircut... but it turned out sick as hell in the end!
Buuuut--taa-dah! It's a cute lil' Yes Man from Fallout cake! It was originally going to be Vault Boy, even a Homestuck cake as a last-minute idea--but this was just so much more fitting. Sasha got to decorate most of it, with me helping a bit on the edges and little decorations on the top. The cake is absolutely delicious, would totally make the same recipe again. There was also pasta we ate that my mom made--that was very delish too!
(Ouch...)
The day ended with all of us watching Everybody Hates Chris and some Young Sheldon, with me discovering before that someone had changed all the profiles for my Netflix account--Madi, I KNOW IT WAS YOU!
Anywho, that's all I can remember that happened from the sleepover and hangout combo. I miss my friends dearly... in fact--all of my friends! I wanna hang out with everyone! Going back on track, this sleepover was so much fun, and I hope 18 treats my dearest friend well. Gonna miss all our "borrowing" things from the mall, *wink wink*. Time goes by so fast... they really aren't lying.
To finish this blog post, here's some photos from previous hangouts and ones I forgot to share in general:
American purikura! xD Ft. REINA!!!!
Another picture from that day!
Claire's mirror picture tradition
Umm... weird?
Outfit pictures!
Awww, my first "proper" decora coords ^.^
Here's my FIRST ever decora coord from 2023!
And finally, some pictures from January! That's all for now, I'll probably be writing some more when I'm over at Texas.
Today I woke up and I saw that I sketched these last night, having them downloaded onto my MacBook. For some reason, I thought to myself, "I drew these...?" I guess I was really tired... >_> But anyways, here they are!
Kyonko and Itsuki! My laziness will never get me to finish drawings...
A fashion sketch originally inspired by Left Eye in TLC's "No Scrubs" music video released back in 1999.
Long wall of text explaining my thought process behind this below:
The silhouette popped into my mind as I was listening to the melody, also taking in the visuals within the music video. The retro-futuristic look of her outfit in the music video is absolutely stunning, and I had a totally different (and better looking...) sketch idea in my head. Originally, I wanted to include some fetish-inspired elements into the rough sketch, as I find it very high-fashion in my eyes. Though I thought it was more unique to include Victorian era motifs, as the conservative, archaic style contrasts heavily with Left Eye's futuristic and fairly exposing costume. It gives irony of going back centuries when the turn of the millennium was just around the corner, with everyone switching over to an ultra-modern aesthetic to be on par with the major changes that were to come.
(Just stunning... wow)
The closest way to describe the thought process I had in the moment is my very own, on-the-spot quote: "Even if headed to the future, the past still manages to resurface and reform itself to current society." I'm a big sucker for opposite aesthetics, especially in design. Eventually, I'd like to finish and build onto this design I created, hopefully expanding what could be more of this trope one day.
Now, let's talk about my life!
Hahaha, ha.
Nothing interesting happens in my life. Well, actually... ok. Some things DO happen!
I'm going to Texas in exactly a week! I'm a little bit excited, but mostly scared and very anxious (as usual for everything). This is going to be my first time boarding a plane by myself, having to go through all the processes that my parents usually handle independently. I really hate the thought of actually having to be alone, and not in the cool rebellious way that most teens have in mind. It's also the fact that none of my friends, maybe one person, LIVES over there! The original plan was for me to stay in LA, which is great because I have some cool mutuals there, but then switched it to the current plan--IN A SMALL TOWN! Ugh, whatever I guess... I'm gonna miss my room, with manga, and everything I collected in there badly.
But, there are some good things to this trip. My favorite goodies store, Teso Life is over there! I'm also very certain my grandma is gonna give me some pocket money--maybe not, who knows--so I'll get to stock up on some makeup, household products, and tons of cute clothes! I think I'll also be able to get rides out into bigger cities so I'm not bored; but this isn't very certain, so we'll just have to see. The time is probably gonna pass quickly as usual, with me going "Wait, that whole trip was already 'x time' ago already?!", like usual to everything I experience.
Wait, I wrote this blog 2 hours ago already?! Wtf, time goes by too dam fast...
Anyways--I just hope that my plane doesn't crash, nobody dies/gets hurt, I'm not too broke, and that I'll have a somewhat OK time over there! Stay positive people, stay positive!!!!!
Also, I'll be uploading some pics I took during friend hangouts soon! It's a hassle to transfer files from your cellphone to a computer, and I forget to do it if I'm being honest here. Sometimes, I remember that I even have a phone, with my text messages being super late most of the time. But, I hope whoever sees my pictures likes them!
Lastly, thank you to all the people who have supported me during my time on the net. I appreciate the kindness dearly, even if I don't express it often!
Nostalgia has noticeably taken a rise in recent years, which includes the revival of older fashion styles. I've always noticed with my attempts and when people try to re-create the older times, something's missing, or just plain inaccurate. Swag outfits--for 2016? Are you serious? I don't think people were also contouring their noses heavily either...
Like, ok, it can read as old-school, maybe to the average person--though it doesn't have the same essence and energy that came from back then! It just reads to me as if it's meant to be on social media, rather than a blog or Myspace profile. All I see is fake, easy-to-farm likes and followers from GARBAGE!!!!!
Even when I try to capture the fashion style and attitude of back then, it was so, so different, and no amount of re-creations or revivals will ever capture the authenticity of just being there. When people say, "Man, it was such a simpler time..." or "It was so much better back then."--I totally believe it. People had more privacy to look ugly, expressing themselves in a "cringe" way, or just being their plain ol' selves! It seems as if people can't stand to break out of the picture-perfect mould that the popular people online fit into. We all have bad photos, crazy hair days, amateurly applied makeup--everything that makes us human. You can smile and act crazy with your friends; a person snapping a pic and putting it online is the weird one-- not you!
Moving a bit away from the previous topic, but most days, I really think that most people of today lack critical thinking and choosing what's good for themselves. Algorithms are placed onto almost every app and social website, homogenizing users and ultimately leading to the death of individuality. The same trends, fashion choices, music taste, personality, looks--does it ever cross your mind that you're no better than a cookie-cutter, even if you claim you're different?
When someone puts out their unique style of self-expression, it seems as if others run to obtain what that person has that they don't, prancing around in stolen valour. Of course, people can't claim or prohibit others from taking inspiration and participating in said style, but it upsets me that what was once an individual's aesthetic gets lumped into being part of the norm. And as people fall bored as it's considered "overdone", stagnant as people are too afraid to experiment and branch out from the standard look within it, they hop onto the newest and trendiest thing. And as if you couldn't tell, I really, REALLY, hate people who look all the same, even within an "alternative" aesthetic different to 99% of what's sold at the mall.
If I point out how everything keeps getting repeated, I'll only drive myself crazier and regurgitate the same topic from before--so I'll end it here. Just know, SEEING EVERYONE LOOK LIKE EACHOTHER DRIVES ME MAD!!!!!
All of this leads me to ponder if I ever fit a bill to a group, whether it's humor, interest, or fashion-wise--though I can never get a clear answer despite asking other people. I wonder how people perceive me from every kind of angle, all different from how I see myself. Do you hate me? Have you wondered where I went? Do you like me? But, you don't even know who I truly am, even myself! So what are you to know about me...is what a fool would say.
But maybe it's best to be oblivious. Never in my life have I really met anyone who was exactly like me--a carbon copy to be specific--or expressed their true opinions on me directly from their mind. Though, it'd be interesting if I did! (The truth part could hurt a bit though, ha ha ha... @_@)
Closing this off, my last thoughts are to just be authentic, stay true to yourself, and be unique! Let yourself be the person who strives to make a change--break out of the walls of a cookie-cutter!
